FOUR STYLES of COMMUNICATION BEHAVIOR
WHICH ONE ALLOWS YOU TO:
SAY WHAT YOU MEAN
MEAN WHAT YOU SAY
AND
DON’T SAY IT MEAN!
DIRECTLY AGGRESSIVE:
When one communicates like this. one is quite able to express what he/she needs and feels, but usually does not take others’ needs and feelings into account in doing so. The communication can be hurtful and insulting, or even sarcastic and cutting. Usually the intention is to win at all costs and often to dominate and humiliate the other person. (who is usually seen as an adversary or enemy). “You” statements are the currency used and the emotional climate is angry, self-righteous, entitled, and often guilty and lonely.
Can you think of times someone used this style of communication with you?
Have you communicated this way to someone else?
How did it feel on both sides of this interaction?
INDIRECTLY AGGRESSIVE: (Sometimes called “passive aggressive”)
When one uses this style, often trickery, seduction, or manipulation are involved. Expression of feelings and needs is usually indirect and often dishonest emotionally. It is usual for one using this style of communication to deny responsibility for his/her part in a situation. Often others are left feeling angry, unheard, and taken advantage of.
Can you think of times you have experienced this type of communication?
Have you used it?
What does it feel like on either side?
NON-ASSERTIVE:
When communicating in this way, one is not expressing needs, feelings, ideas and opinions directly, and is often ignoring his/her own right to expression. Often this type of communication denies true feelings and may deny others’ feelings as well. Very typical of this style is the tendency to avoid conflict and confrontation; while allowing others to make decisions and choices. The emotional tone is often nervous, anxious, depressed and/or resentful.
What is it like to talk to someone who is using this style?
What does it feel like when you use it?
How does it work for you? Against you?
ASSERTIVE:
Here one expresses HONEST feelings, needs, opinions and ideas.
The communication is straightforward, appropriate, and validating of self and others.
One stands up for one’s own rights without violating the rights of others by using “I statements.” and listening. In this style one takes responsibility for choices.
The emotional tone breeds confidence, positive self esteem, and mutual respect.
How does it feel to be involved in communication with someone using this style?