Help and Hope For the Bewitching Hour

For parents who are bothered and bewildered at the bewitching hour between the “day” job, and the “night job,” aka dinner time and bedtime for the kids, there is hope. By incorporating a few simple ideas and strategies into the late afternoon and evening, the hours before the kids are tucked away can benefit connections rather than create conflicts.

Ideas and Strategies for late afternoon land dinnertime: These ideas can be adapted to fit the ages of you children.

Idea #1:
Kids respond to predictability and consistency. Change handled wisely can promote resilience.

Strategy.
Develop a late day routine and stick to it as much as possible. When you are not able to keep to the regular routine, let the kids to the possibility that there will be a change at a level that they can understand.

Strategy.
Have a general structure such as activities for the kids to do while you get dinner. These activities do not have to be the same each day. It is the time module that is key. You might have a repertoire of activities that the kids enjoy at their age level and rotate them. The kids get used to them and look forward to them, but with variety they will not get bored. Activities might vary with the season. Depending on age, the hour or so before dinner might be for homework, or in the summer, playing in the yard might be appropriate.

During the school week late afternoon activities are probably best to be quiet and calming. During the summer they might be more active and continue a little later.

Idea #2:
Kids will want your attention when you come home from work or emerge from your home office. But you might need some down time. You can engage with the children without having to totally give up your own needs.


Strategy:
Kids like your attention, but can also respond to “parallel” activities. If you need to sit and look at the mail, try first reading a book to your child if he is little. You might sit at the table while the older child does homework. Your closeness can be a calming factor and you can also get your paper read or your mail opened. You might also try giving a little undivided attention before you go on to dinner prep or resting. This might be a time to do something quiet with the children like reading stories or listening to music. If the children are older, you might try giving them 15 minutes of undivided attention to discuss their day and then offer an activity close to where you will be cooking or resting.

Strategy:
If the kids are little and you must keep a safe eye on them a play area might be created in a safe corner of the kitchen or in an adjoining room where you can watch them while you cook or look through the mail.

Strategy:
Sometimes kids want a sugar snack toward the end of the afternoon when it is too early for dinner and too late for a treat. . A small nutritious snack an hour or so before dinner preparation begins might help reduce hunger meltdowns while dinner prep is underway. Try this: Make popsicles in the blender out of healthy yogurt and fruit. Freeze in inexpensive pop makers available in the grocery stores and offer as a before dinner treat. These are low in processed sugar and will satisfy enough to prevent hunger tantrums. The kids will be more likely to be able to comfortably occupy themselves before dinner if tummies are not uncomfortably empty.

Idea #3:
Children benefit from family time. Time spent together as many days as possible at dinner- time can provide a calming environment and a feeling of safety and stability for the kids.

Strategy:
When work responsibilities allow plan to sit at the table and eat with the children. This models socially appropriate table manners as well as promoting pro-social behaviors in general. It can also be a calming part of the evening routine that makes them more able to settle for bedtime.

Strategy:
Make bedtime a special time with parent(s.).
When possible keep a bedtime routine that includes a snack, hygiene and a special book or story. Kids like to review their day. Older kids benefit from discussing issues that have arisen and engaging in problem solving. Little kids will love a book. Making up a story about a character who is their alter ego can teach pro-social lessons and calm them for sleep.

Strategy:
For a little one who has bedtime fears, leaving a night light on, a door ajar, and a promise that you will check in, may help to calm for sleep. A special stuffed animal or a tape in the CD player may also help with the transition to sleep. The key is to build in what is going to be predictable for your child.

General Tips for parenting during the bewitching hours.

Keep discussions of problems as much out of range of the kids as possible.

If there is a problem that needs immediate attention, be reassuring to the kids and find an activity to distract them.

Avoid engaging in conflicts in front of the kids. This will exacerbate chaos and make transitions difficult.

Do not bring children into conflicts. Do not allow them to play you against the other parent.

Keep a unified front about how you will handle the transitions and how you will conduct bedtime. If you disagree, discuss it when the kids are not within earshot.

Do not displace work frustrations onto the kids. Deal with your anxiety about work at work or after the kids are in bed. Kids will pick up on this and you will get back what you put out.

Keep your own attitude as calm as possible. Kids are magnets. If they feel your stress, you will feel it coming back at you.

Follow basic stress management principles to avoid excess chaos. Breathe. Keep your thinking positive. Avoid catastrophizing if things do not go well one or two evenings. Some transition awkwardness is normal. If your routine is disrupted, just resume, making changes as you see fit.

Ask other parents for ideas. Share strategies.