Parenting From Strength
Guiding the healthy emotional development of Children

Parenting from strength allows you to effectively guide the healthy emotional development of your children. Parenting from strength happens when you have a solid sense of Self that can guide your parenting choices. A strong Self allows you to be clear about what is best for the children even when they are driving you nuts.

Here are five tips for parenting from strength and guiding the healthy emotional development of your kids.

Validate their feelings and clarify their perceptions.
Feeling sad, mad, bad or glad can come from a variety of perceptions for kids. For example, let’s imagine that your child thinks you are mad at her if you are having a generally stressful day. If you become aware of this you can help her understand that Mom is tired or busy and that it does not have to do with her. Children often misinterpret adults’ reactions, and usually think that how they see you behaving has to do with them. Reassure your child that if you are having a bad day, it is not her fault, and she does not have to fix it.

Keep your promises. If you tell your child you will take him to the zoo if he cleans his room, it will be important to follow through. If you tell him he will lose a privilege if he does not clean his room, it is also important to follow through. When we do not keep the promise, of a reward or of a consequence, we lose your leverage with the kids. Here’s a little parenting secret you may have already discovered. Keep the promises realistic and the consequences small. If you ground him for a week, you will be the one to suffer! Don’t promise a trip to Disney if you don’t intend to take it.
Kids will catch on fast. Our credibility is your stock in trade. It is important to keep this fund intact.

Keep your child a child and make your friends your confidants.
Your children need to be protected from knowing the gory details of your adult issues. It is okay for them to know that you are having a hard day, but they do not have the maturity to be consultants for their parent’s psychological issues. Helping them learn to problem solve age relative problems is important for their growth. Making them partners in your adult problems is more likely to make them confused than mature.
Find good supportive friends whose advice is wise and whose counsel is clear.

Have confidence to say, “No and Yes.” Children need limits that are well thought out and appropriate to the age and well being of the child. Set limits that you can live with and be consistent with the ones you set. Limits are not meant to be punishment, but rather boundaries for choices and behaviors. Children feel secure when they know the parent is in charge. Even if they struggle and resist, trust that limits will help them feel safe and cared for.

Model the behaviors you want to encourage.
Remember the old “Do what I say, not what I do?”
It didn’t work in the past and it does not work now.
Children may not always listen, but they always pay attention.
They are much more apt to behave the way they see you behave.
Take a minute to think about how you sound to others and what you do.
These are the things your children will imitate
If you find yourself in conflict with others or behaving in ways you would not want your kids to…. Do you need to clean up your act? . Little or big, they are monkeys. They will copy you.