“No” Is A Complete Sentence! Going From Doormat to Diva in Five Simple Steps

Many women have been brought up with the advice that if they are “nice” to everyone then they will be more likable or more popular. While being nice is a good thing, it can sometimes lead to women putting themselves last or saying “Yes” when they really want to say “No.” Some women feel they are jerks, or worse, if they put their needs first or stand up for themselves when their boundaries are breached. But crossing into the territory of “chronic niceness” can leave a woman feeling resentful, frustrated, powerless or all of the above.

The good news is this: Women can stand up for what is right for themselves without being either a doormat or a jerk. It is possible, and it is simple, to treat yourself as your own personal Diva.

Following are five steps for believing in yourself and for standing up for your Self. I call these the ABC’s of Personal Rights.

Step One: Adjust your mindset. Every woman has a set of personal rights. The right to be treated respectfully is top of the list. If you respect yourself, your actions will demonstrate that respect. You will train people how to treat you. You need not supply lengthy apologies or explanations for saying “Yes” to yourself. .“No” is a complete sentence.

Step Two: Believe in your worth. You do not need to prove your worth to anyone by being overly compliant. Believe in your right to stand up for yourself even if someone else does not like it. You do not need to accept unacceptable behavior. Believe that you deserve to be able to say “No” or “Yes” based on what you determine is best for you.

Step Three: You have the right to Choose. You get to choose if you are going to put your needs or someone else’s needs first in a given situation. You have the right to choose whether you are going to set a limit or not. Making a conscious choice of how to behave frees you, and reduces your chances of feeling like a doormat.

Step Four: Decide what it is you want and trust your right to go after it. You don’t have to give up your dreams for someone else’s. If wants and dreams collide, you can decide how you want to handle potential conflict. Conflict is not a dirty word. Conflict well resolved can lead to growth as a person. Learn the basics of conflict resolution. It will help you set limits on unacceptable behavior in appropriate ways.

Step Five: Evaluate a situation and make a conscious decision to follow this rule of thumb each time you need to stand up for yourself: Say what you mean. Mean what you say. And don’t say it mean.

By following these steps you will be neither a doormat nor a jerk. You will become a strong and empowered woman.